Drowning and there's no water to found

I am absolutely overwhelmed which would explain what at 1:04am on Wednesday October 28th 2009 I am up writing in my blog instead of sleeping. I can't take it anymore, I can barely keep my head above water yet there is dry land for all the eye to see. I felt myself headed down this path maybe 2-3wks ago when my other made it verbally known to me his future plans which included 15yrs doing something that we hadn't discussed before. I was with the understanding that this job was temporary so that you can get back to working for yourself. No Shae once again not asking the right questions will get your feelings everytime. At any rate that opened my eyes to the fact that where as I do care for him, and wish him the best in all he does, he's not my "Say I Do" and whereas some people can just cut people off...I used to be one of those people, it's harder now because I do make a conscience effort not to purposefully burn bridges. You never know when you may need that person. So needless to say Im letting this just run its course.

Moving on I decided to try and online dating site...i know i know, but hey it's the new thing now so can't hurt to try. On the first go round I think I met a pretty decent guy met him on Sunday at public place...smart girl. Conversation was okay, but you know never the less that's something to work towards. So prior to us departing from one another we quasi make plans to see each during the week. On Monday I dont get a text a hey what's up nothing, so I text him hey how goes it. I get back a blase response. So immediately my brain is like hmm maybe what I perceived yesterday as going well is not felt mutally. So me being the person that I am I flat out asked so what's up what was your take on yesterday, and his response was yeah i liked meeting you. So im like okay cool so I respond with oh okay because I didnt get a real feel on how you felt, and I dont want to waste your time or mine. NO RESPONSE!!!! Hmmm so I know he's a busy person but NO RESPONSE?? So Tuesday comes around still no response, so once again I text him saying hey how are you we still on for Wed NO EFFIN RESPONSE. Is it me should I just cut my loses and keep it movin? Should I try one more time UGH...glub glub glub.

My last issue is a very dear friend of mine passed away last friday and her funeral is Thursday. I can't attend the funeral because I don't have the money to fly up there and I don't do funerals well. I've never handled death real well and I still believe I got some issues dealing with the death of my father that is making all this so much harder.

I need help...glub glub glub I said it I need help...I can no longer do this on my own I've tried and Im drowning, and the only way to avoid such a thing is seclusion and we dont want that. Well sleep is starting to come back over me...good nite blogspot. I do feel better a lil

Hawt for the holidays pt2

I havnt felt well since friday...H1N1 maybe but I doubt it. Anywho well last week during our challenge I lost 2.2 lbs woo hoo. go me. Lets hope that with better eating habits this week I can get some bigger numbers. I will be starting the scarsdale diet this week for more info click this link http://lowcarblisa.tripod.com/thescarsdalemedicaldiet/index.html. All the info you need is on there it feels like something I think I can and will do. I hope to get into the gym...and it just hit me while i was lying in bed that days that I cant go to the "gym" that I have a gym in my complex so really there is no reason why im not working out. I guess im all out of excuses except I dont feel well which sucks. On a side note I did get into my wellness class that starts this thursday so hopefully I will get some good info to help me stay focused. Well im going back to the bed and lay down head is starting to spin...:(

HAWT FOR THE HOLIDAYS

So my last posts have been a lil sad or down in dumps so these posts will be a lil more up and fun. As my title suggests Im planning on getting Hawt for the Holidays. The first thing I plan on doing is actually starting running. WHAAAAAAAAT this coming from the girl who believes that running should only occur if your being chased by a dog or the police...lol. Anywho I found this running program called couch to 5k. You can find more information on http://www.coolrunning.com/. I even found music that goes along with the program. We start tomorrow. I wanted to start running outside but its too hot and the rain is very unpredictable right now so its back to the gym. Might as well I'm paying for it. We have also started Biggest Loser at work...so can't slack on that. Plus I have been playing this stoopid weight game for 2 long...almost 2 years. I believe that my weight is hindering me from moving on in a lot of aspects in my life. So with that being said I will keep you posted on how things are going.

I am not my hair

Clearly im not check out the video which truly is very limiting to the multitude of hairstyles I have had.... oh stop the music on this page because the video will open in a new window with its on music!!!




Oh the hair!!!

Getting it together

Well I havnt blogged in almost 8m...things have changed a lil bit. Let's see the friend I thought I lost learned that people change in 10years. I tried living with someone...OMG bad move on my part. I have an other but he's temporary until I find another I know wrong but true. Oh my bff was supposed to get married in May, but she's still single. Lastly I decided that I needed to get out of debt.

While working Summer Enrichment Camp we had to share what was on our nightstand. One person showed the book Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. It perked my interest but I didnt get the book. I put it off and didnt purchase the book until sometime early July. I read the book in 1.5days. It had so many OMG moments but everything seemed doable. First and foremost I needed a budget. Btw I have had many budgets however never followed any of them. So I needed to make a budget and stick to it. The other thing was I needed envelopes. The envelopes are labeled for all the things you could pay cash for i.e. gas, groceries,clothing etc. However before I go any further another reason I wanted to get on a budget was I was tracking my spending however I was out of Mutha trucking control during the 4th of July....I spent an astronomic amount of money. I digress...so making a budget is hard as hell OMG. I cried, I cussed, I gave up, I cried some more, but through it all I have made it. I now wish I only got paid once a month but maybe not so I shut my hole. All in all everything is going for the better. I currently have out of debt date so hopefully I can change that date to sooner than later. I will keep you all posted as this process goes along.


Oh before I go if you 2 need a plan to get out of debt save that 25 dollars you would spend on eating out and head over to Borders/Barnes and Noble and pick up the Total Money Makeover...I promise you..you will want to be gazelle like...and remember LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE SO LATER YOU CAN LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE...GET THE BOOK!!!!

Moving On

one of the hardest things to do is move on...sometimes when u think that everything is going well or atleast in your favor life has a funny way of bringing it back to perspective. now some people will read this and be like what is she talking about...but its my blog and as long as i know what im talking about dont really care about people think.

well 2009 has started and well not sure how i feel about it yet. i encouraged a "friend' to get back in contact with his first love, and he did and they are back together or whatever i dont know. i truly am happy for him because we had this whole long discussion about how he would never be able to move on until he resolved his feelings for her blah blah blah. so being the good friend that i am i told him he needed to do that. now most of you are probably screaming right now what the "beep" "beep are u crazy" who does shit like that right. and as im saying these things my brain is like this is so not me talking. it was my heart...i know but KARMA!!! i would hope that if i was in a situation like that someone would encourage me to see what could happen instead of being selfish. so at any rate we were supposed to meet up for MLK wknd which btw is the same weekend we meet back in 2005....4yrs ago...wow. but now the bad side of me is like so what yall not together together we can meet up and you know have closure fun. but the good side is like its time to move on wish them the best of luck and keep it moving. but like i said moving on is hard...i feel like im losing a friend...even though he says we can still talk...it wont be the same. definately can't have all the sex talk and stuff, not because he said we have to stop but because Karma once again. when i should find that one if he had someone in his life who he was "friends" with and they still were in contact i would hope the conversation would not be the same as it was before i came in the picture. what to do what to do...my bff would be like eff that "n" word he's this he's that, but i know he's not so listening to her would be pointless. my brain mr. logical is saying cut ya losses it was fun while it lasted. my heart is saying whatever happens happens. now before you read more into that...let me explain...whatever happens happens means that if we talk from now until the end of time then great if he stops talking to me tomorrow then that's fine also. i will be sad like i am now, but the bible says there is a season for everything and it will just mean that our season is over. enough of this sappy shit no matter what always remember the....the shit you want to remember really. they are your memories so who is to tell you whether they were good or bad.

on another note about moving on i will not put up with other people drama this year. i have my own drama and dammit i dont need yours also. keep that shit to yourself and work it out...i have to.
another random thought page by

addendum
since ive wrote this...which was like hours ago...i decided not to see him one last time and end it over the phone thru text. not as harsh at it sounds because that's our main source of communication, but its what's best. MOVING ON in 09...hard but you know what you end up being a better person because of it....i hope or that would suck on my part..lol...gonna go shed a tear to the end of frienship :(
me..lol